A Week Of Firsts, part 1

In a week where Geoff Johns kicks off his project focusing on the de(con)struction of the post-Crisis DC Universe and Peter David fires the opening salvo of the hopefully not too abysmal Spider-Man crossover called “The Other: Evolve Or Die”, both of which I will ruminate on some other time, I felt like turning my attention an entirely different kind of “first”, to wit: the oft-overlooked DC1st Superman/Flash one-shot, cover-dated July 2002.

DC1st consisted out of 4 specials all revolving around a first meeting between two DC characters. Back then I mistakenly assumed that as such, they’d all be flashback stories. I’m not sure about the other three, but this one is squarely set in the then-present and isn’t a retelling at all, although nobody apparently bothered telling the colorist to make sure that Superman’s S-shield would have the black borders he was using at the time as a sign of mourning for those who perished during Our Worlds At War (another long, drawn-out story for another time).

Anyway, the story in a nutshell, or in a rather large soupbowl, actually, as presented by writer Geoff Johns, penciler Rick Burchett and inker Prentis Rollins: rogue-profiler Zolomon Hunter checks out Flash villains Pied Piper and Abra Kadabra, both of whom have seemingly gone kookoo. The Pied Piper stuff is mostly related to a plotline that was set in the pages of the regular FLASH comic and doesn’t feel like it belongs in this issue (nor does it feel like it squares with what was eventually shown in those FLASHes, but maybe I'm misremembering). Five pages in—after a cool yet weird shot of Kadabra in his cell, wearing a straightjacket even though the walls are covered with the words Who am I? in a kazillion different fonts. He really can do magic!—all it takes for the 64th-century tech-wizard to snap out of his catatonic state is Zolomon mentioning Houdini. Good job, Hunter.

The Iron Heights prison is obviously not at all prepared for holding a rogue like Kadabra because he merely has to utter “Door. Abra Kadabra.” in a nifty magic font and CHOOM!—cell door blows off its hinges. Moreover, he turns back to his pre-burnt/scarred look by stating “Skin. Abra Kadabra.” (1) That is some serious mojo right there. With powers like that, why would you try to be a super-criminal rather than simply going “Money. Harem. Private jet. Abra Kadabra.” and enjoy the spoils? I guess it doesn’t work like that, does it? Or at least go back to the 19th century where there weren’t any superheroes yet, if you can time-travel anyway? Perhaps logic isn’t his strong suit (he is more of the black-and-white type...)

Rick Burchett kicks some serious ass when it comes to portraying Kadabra, particularly in these few pages showing his return to form. After disposing of the guards in an appropriately (?) gruesome manner, the wizard lets Zolomon live because “There’s something else... Your future... I’ll be rooting for you.” which was another nice bit of foreshadowing at the role Zolomon would (and still does) play in the Flash’s life. No clue how Kadabra can actually see Zolomon’s future yet not his own, as he will meet defeat in a rather stupid way in the concluding pages of this story.

Before we get there though, we’ve now arrived at the protagonists of our tale, Jay Garrick and Wally West, the original and third Flash, respectively, who are speeding to a used bookstore in Metropolis; how else can we include Superman in Kadabra’s mad scheme? When the magician ambushes them at the bookstore and pulls some giant killer bunnies out of his hat (I’m not making this up), Superman swoops in to save the day, knocking out the bunnies! However, Abra puts a spell on Wally, accelerating his age as he is forced to run, and the only way to save him is by outrunning him and touching him (for which you don’t need to actually outrun Wally, of course, just catching up with him should be fine). The thing is: winner literally takes all, including the spell affecting Wally, and so to the victor goes a speedy death!

During the race between Jay and Clark, they have a bit of a chat about which one of them should make like a frog and croak. I’ve always wondered how talking while super-speeding works. Wouldn’t they be faster than what’s being said, unable to hear? Ah, comic book physics! Jay thinks it should be him because he’s old anyway, Superman believes that he has a better chance of surviving than Jay does because, well, he’s super, isn’t he?

So: they run run run for a couple of pages, then Jay cheats and steals Superman’s speed, which turns out to be exactly what Kadabra has been counting on. Lucky for him that used bookstore wasn’t in Opal City, right? Comic book physics take over once again and the combined speed of the three of them flashes them all straight into the 64th century, the wizard’s own war-torn, dreary era, where he intends to stock up on his trademarked technology that’s so amazing it looks like magic to us before returning to the 21st century to act like a big ol’ boogeyman.

The spell that is now affecting Jay turns out to be a bunch of nanites, and Wally and Clark make swift work of the little buggers because the story is almost over, after all. During the final showdown, Kadabra turns Superman into a marionette (a tip of the hat to the story from FLASH #133) and Jay into a big turtle.

Rather than stopping Wally in the same way, he pulls out a “chaos crystal” that can suck the life energy out of anything nearby, but the Flash uses Jay’s helmet to make all the nasty beams go KWANG KWANG KWANG! (sound effects, you gotta love ‘em) as they bounce back on Abra Kadabra himself, not sucking any life energy out of him as proclaimed mere panels ago, but just imprisoning him, made all tiny, in a big green ball—which is how they deliver him back to Iron Heights. No due process or anything for the guards he callously killed, it’s just back in the cell and Jay “almost feels sorry for him.” (!!!) Yes Jay, poor psycho killer Kadabra!

And of course, while they’re strolling out of the prison, they don’t even glance at their old friend Hartley Rathaway, the once-reformed, now-presumed-crazy Pied Piper who’s rotting away in the penitentiary for a crime Wally should know he didn’t commit. Indeed, “it’s good to have friends”, as the Piper triumphantly proclaims amid a mass of rats in his cell... (which is a mighty fine rendition by Burchett, I might add.)

While it appears clear that there’s holes and contrivancies aplenty in this story, the art goes a long way in skipping past the silly bits and making them more palatable. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve always been a fan of Abra Kadabra and wish he was used to greater effect in more series than just the Flash’s. I have to admit though that I enjoyed the story more while reading it than while recapping it. Still, it’s a 38-pager with a clear, identifiable threat that only takes one issue to resolve, while we’ve got simmering subplots crisscrossing through it.

In other words, a fun enough superhero yarn that’s enjoyable if you’re someone who can overlook strange gaps in logic and the like (which, if you like superhero comics, you’re probably already trained to do anyway). If you ever find it for cheap in a back issue bin, it’s recommended for the Burchett art alone. Even though it takes place right before FLASH v2 #184 I don’t think it was ever reprinted in the relevant trade paperback, so if you’re a Flash completist, this one’s for you too.

Plus, it's got giant killer bunnies. That about says it all, doesn't it?

(1) Kadabra got disfigured during a story-arc penned by Mark Waid from long, long ago, and has been hounding Wally West ever since. Presumably Geoff Johns prefers the original Silver Age look because all of Kadabra’s appearances since this issue in the pages of the FLASH show him in full classic regalia, which is just fine by me. Here's hoping for a Kadabra/Gentleman Ghost team-up against Batman and Hawkman one day!